Get Nicked: We’re awarding the election to this guy: viral news

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The federal election has only been going on (sigh) one week, but Get Nicked is ready to crown a winner.

This week everybody wants to talk about the new season of Game of Thrones, save for the people who haven’t seen it yet and are rushing to block their ears whenever the topic comes up.

But some geniuses at the Australian Red Cross have spent the last six weeks binging on the show to identify its war crimes.

In all, 103 war crime violations exist in the quest for the Iron Throne, substantially more than the last water-cooler TV show, Married at First Sight.

“We are just giant opportunistic nerds that love their show and are passionate about talking about the laws of war,” the Red Cross’s Yvette Zegenhagen said in a statement.

So they have managed to watch their favourite show as a statistical analysis project for work.

Get Nicked would love to do the same thing, but it turns out somebody already did that for The Joy of Painting.

Bob Ross painted a cabin in 18 percent of his paintings.
Bob Ross painted a cabin in 18 percent of his paintings. (The Joy of Painting)

The hirsuit pursuit

The federal election has only been going on (sigh) one week, but Get Nicked is ready to crown a winner.

That’s because this shallow and restless journalist assigns victory to whoever has the best facial hair.

Queensland UAP candidates Clive Palmer and Martin Brewster.
Queensland UAP candidates Clive Palmer and Martin Brewster. (AAP)

And this election, it goes to United Australia Party candidate Martin Brewster, whose handlebar moustache looks like something a champion boxer would wear in the 1880s.

Mr Brewster narrated an ad suggesting China could easily invade northwestern Australia with their aircraft carriers.

But with a moustache that probably requires an entire jar of wax each day, he can pitch whatever conspiracy he likes.

Sideline spar

When Clive Palmer’s team let slip on Wednesday that they would have a sporting legend as one of their candidates, Get Nicked immediately tipped it would be a Broncos player from the 1980s.

It was such an obvious guess that even this journalist took no pleasure in being correct.

Greg Dowling played a bunch of Origin and international games in the 1980s, but he’s best remembered for an off-field altercation.

Greg Dowling fights with Kevin Tamati during an international.
Greg Dowling fights with Kevin Tamati during an international. (Supplied)

After getting in a fistfight during a Kangaroos clash with New Zealand, both Dowling and Kevin Tamati were sent to the sin-bin.

Unfazed by the punishment, Tamati and Dowling continued their brawl on the sidelines.

Thus raising the question, are referees responsible for offences committed by players in the sin-bin, or does it come down to a code of conduct tribunal?

Homeless Izzy

Speaking of sporting codes of conduct, Rugby Australia is considering the awkward possibility it will be spending $4 million on a player it won’t put on the field.

The rugby body wants to terminate Israel Folau’s lucrative contract, but if he successfully challenges the dismissal at his code of conduct hearing, he’ll get to keep his million dollars a year.

Israel Folau. (AP)

But the Wallabies won’t let him play international rugby. The Waratahs won’t let him play Super Rugby. He’ll be required to run out for a local side to comply with his contract, but it’s unlikely his Shute Shield club Sydney University will let him play.

Get Nicked knows that the Rouse Hill Renegades are looking for players this year if Folau wants to play Fifth Division in the Sydney Suburban rugby comp.

The Renegades’ code of conduct makes no mention of Instagram, so maybe Izzy’s in the clear.



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